In the World of Keelan that we live in, we constantly are asking ourselves if we are making the right decisions. “Should we allow him to play this sport or that sport?” is one of those decisions we evaluate. And the questions don’t end there once we make a decision. “Did we make the right decision?” “Does he feel alone?” “Is he enjoying it?” “Is he learning?” “Is he having fun?” “Is the coach including him?” “Is his presence affecting the other kids learning?” “What are others thinking?” “Are they judging him?” Those last two are just human nature to think. Yes, we know it doesn’t matter what others think, but you can’t help it as a human to think those things.
Over the last year, Keelan has shown interest in multiple sports. He will ask for a specific sport or we will give him a choice of sports to keep him active. I asked Soccer or Swimming? He said Baseball last spring. I asked Soccer or Baseball in the fall and he said Soccer. I asked Soccer or Baseball this spring and he said Swimming. LOL. But we let him to choose his next move (within reason). But why have play in sports at all? This is something that is very important to us. WHY?
(1) Because exposure is key to him learning. Yes, autism likes routine but exposure doesn’t have to be limited because of it. By exposing him to different social interactions, environments, etc., we are showing him the world beyond his own while also teaching him further lessons like: following directions, working with others, making friends, etc – so much beyond the simple sport he’s currently playing.
(2) He is showing interest. He wants to do it. Why can’t he do it? The world around us has made sports so competitive even on the RECREATIONAL side that parents, spectators, and some coaches make it so competitive that they don’t believe he should be doing it. WAIT?!? WHAT ?!? Yes, they don’t believe he should be playing. The whispers of people wondering why we would “humiliate” him by registering him to play. Let’s dial this in a moment. It’s not humiliation to us, we aren’t ashamed of him. Do we get frustrated? Of course we do, because what parent doesn’t? Does he always want to participate in practice or in the game? No. But its not because he no longer wants to play. Most often times, it is because he just is so enthralled in what he is doing that he doesn’t want to transition. Typically once he transitions, he is all in and good with what he is doing. As a 3rd grader in sports right now, the drills or tasks of what’s being asked are getting harder. Does that mean he quits? No it means that coaches and supporters just have to take a little more time with him to help him understand the ask. So what looks to you as being lost on the court, is just Keelan trying to sort all the sensory and tasks that he needs to do. So it’s a WIN for us when he goes after the ball or catches it. It’s a WIN when he touches the ball or hits it with the bat. It’s a WIN when he is actively cheering on his teammates. Other’s see it as dumbed down, or he’s not good enough to be there. What would they rather him do? Sit at home on video games? Do they want us to shun him away and keep him hidden? As you can see this has really rubbed me the wrong way. Kids that are different are not unable. Sometimes they just need little accommodations so they can be included.
(3) Because beyond Keelan getting to experience new sports, new people, new environments, we are getting to witness people RISE ABOVE anything anyone ever imagine and show the world of sports and the community that INCLUSION is POSSIBLE!! Over the last year, for the most part, Keelan has been a part of teams in leagues with Coaches and Administrators and Parents who have embodied INCLUSION! They cheered and cried when they got to witness him achieve the goals set for him. They didn’t get mad when he got struck out, or turned over the ball, or missed a pass. They encouraged their kids and players to include him and treat him as equal as could. They taught INCLUSION.
(4) He gets to do what big brother and big sister get to do. He looks up to them and yes he gets carted around to all their activities, but he is watching them participate and we want him to feel the same support we give them.
In a world like Keelan’s, as a parent, I do worry about the future, about his daily routine, how’s he being treated, what is he learning, is he alone, etc? It is A LOT. But what is not necessary to add to my worry, is worrying about what others are thinking, or the stares, or the judgement. And how do I do that? By seeing the joy that Keelan brings every day to those around him. By seeing these pictures and videos of those who truly supported him in making his goals a reality but including him and pushing him. By getting to be the mom that he can’t wait to show me his new medal or tell me about his day. That’s the JOY!
So next time you are at a recreational sporting event of any kind, and you see a kid that is different or possibly looks lost, don’t be judgmental and act like they shouldn’t be there. They have parents just like all the other players who just want to support their child in playing a game they wanted to play. Cheer them on even if they are on the other team of the person you are supporting. BE INCLUSIVE!!